From Trauma to Teacher - My Self-Expression Journey
During the process of creating my new art course, I have often stopped and wondered, why me? Who is going to want to learn from me? I’m not a psychologist, I’m not an art therapist, I have no formal training. So, what right do I have to teach all this information? I felt like a fraud, a fake. Imposter syndrome stood over me like a thundercloud. However, two significant conversations shifted my perspective entirely and I want to share them with you.
Two Conversations That Changed My Perspective
First of all, my mom. Who better to pump you up than your mom right?? So, I was venting to her one day about how I felt like a fraud and she said something that blew my mind. She said Kristina, instead of asking why me? Ask, why not me? Why shouldn’t you share you experience with how art has transformed your life? Why shouldn’t you teach others when you yourself have learned how much art can help?
The second person I spoke to was my counselor. I felt the need to justify why I was making this course to her and also to make sure I wasn’t stepping on anyone’s toes or would offend anyone because i myself am not a counselor, psychologist or art therapist. I was waiting for her to tell me that I had no right to teach such a course, that I was way out of line and I needed to stop then and there. However that isn’t what happened at all. She reassured me that, even though I was not a professional in the mental health field, I was a professional. I was a professional ARTIST. She even told me that most art therapists weren’t artists themselves, they just saw the power that art can have helping someone with their mental health. She told me that the course I had created had VALUE and that I was WORTHY of sharing it. She again reinforced my mothers words, of “why not you?” People need to know this information, Kristina. I was shaken to my core and moved to tears.
It took time and patience for these 2 conversations to really hit home for me. For my thinking to be transformed.
Compassion and Empowerment
Now I’m not going to sit here and tell you that I hold the card on human suffering and toot my own horn about how I’m now this wonderful person who can help you with all of life’s problems. I’m not. I acknowledge my flaws and the mistakes I've made along the way. However, what drives me is an unwavering desire to help people. Having faced significant challenges in my own life, I possess a profound understanding of resilience. Let me tell you a little bit about them.
Art as a Lifeline in Times of Loss and Struggle
When I was a teenager, my dad was diagnosed with cancer and a short 9 months later, he was gone. I can’t begin to express the emotional toll it took on me at such a young and impressionable age. I had other things going on in my life at the time that made it harder too. But one thing that I threw myself into which really helped me heal, was art. At that time, my art of choice was scrapbooking. I spent a really long time creating a scrapbook of my dad’s life, documenting his goofiness, his stubbornness and most of all, his love and adoration for me. The process was immensely healing and it started a lifelong habit of turning to art in times of stress.
I learned along the way that making physical, what was emotional was the most healing and therapeutic thing I could do. I learned that sharing my art with others and telling them about what it meant to me, helped me to connect with them in ways I couldn’t before. It taught me the power of making emotions tangible through art and connecting with others through shared experiences.
Navigating Postpartum Depression: Getting Creative Again and Fostering Connection
During my pregnancy with my first child, I noticed my mental health declining again. I had this mistaken belief that if I just prayed more, read my Bible more and trusted in God more, that I would be fine and feel better. I spoke to an elder in my congregation about it and he encouraged me to seek professional help. I still felt I could do it on my own, so I waited. However, I kept going downhill and eventually hit rock bottom. I finally went to see a doctor who got the ball rolling of getting the professional help I needed, including counseling. My counselor was a God-send. She helped me recognize that my faith in God remained steadfast and that my struggles with depression and anxiety were separate from my spiritual beliefs.
During my counseling sessions and exploration of various creative outlets, I uncovered the profound significance of self-expression and developed a strong desire to support fellow moms facing similar challenges. I delved into different forms of creative expression, including furniture restoration, gardening, and sewing clothes. While these activities kept me engaged and fostered creativity, I hadn't yet discovered the ultimate form of self-expression.
Shared Experiences
As I grappled with postpartum depression for an extended period, it felt as though I were drowning. Recognizing the immense need for support among mothers navigating this difficult condition, I decided to openly share my experiences, assuring them they were not alone. I took to my social media platforms to speak candidly about my journey, which resonated with many moms who reached out to share their own stories. This reinforced my yearning for connection and fueled my determination to assist others in their struggles.
Finding Solace Amidst the Pandemic and a Cancer Diagnosis
In 2020, as the world grappled with the COVID-19 pandemic, I, like many others, experienced deep isolation. To compound matters, I received a devastating breast cancer diagnosis at the age of 33, despite having no family history of the disease. The weight of feeling alone, trapped, and isolated was overwhelming. As people's desire to help remained hindered by the pandemic, I turned to art as a lifeline. Already immersed in my watercolor painting business, I channeled my emotions into a collection of paintings that visually depicted the turmoil within my mind.
Transformative Art Reflecting Inner Turmoil
The Vacillating Collection, a series of 5 expressive paintings showcased nature as a representation of the inner turmoil I was experiencing. A turbulent storm symbolized the emotional rollercoaster upon receiving my diagnosis, while mountains embodied the strength necessary to endure this trial. An eagle embodied the far-sighted wisdom required to transcend present challenges and focus on the future. Through these artworks, I discovered that art played a crucial role in my healing process, offering solace during treatment and transforming my mindset. I realized that the act of creation itself, rather than solely the finished result, held tremendous therapeutic and healing power.
Impactful Paintings Like No Other
This collection of paintings resonated deeply with my customers and followers, surpassing the impact of any previous work. They found their own stories reflected in my art, empathizing with my struggles and seeing beyond the surface of a landscape painting. Two of these paintings, ‘Disquiet’ and ‘Conquest’ became my most popular paintings to date.
(‘Disquiet’ pictured above)
These personal experiences have shaped the way I approach teaching my course, emphasizing holistic healing through creative expression.
Holistic Healing through Creative Expression
I have witnessed firsthand how art can be a powerful tool for navigating life's profound challenges, such as loss, illness, and mental health struggles. Art has been my refuge and a means of self-expression throughout my journey.
A Personal Approach to Teaching
Through my personal journey, I discovered the therapeutic effects of art as a means of emotional expression and connection. Whether it was through scrapbooking to celebrate my father's life, engaging in creative activities during my struggle with depression and anxiety, or using art to navigate the isolation of the COVID-19 pandemic and my cancer diagnosis, I found solace, strength, and transformation through artistic expression. Sharing my art and its significance with others has allowed me to forge deep connections with others, provide support to those facing their own struggles and inspire others to explore their own stories.
Harnessing the Therapeutic Power of Art
As an instructor, I bring this depth of understanding and the transformative power of art to my course. I believe in holistic healing through creative expression, and I am committed to helping my students discover their own strength, resilience, and way of expressing themselves.
Inspiring Self-Expression and Self-Care
Together, we can navigate life's challenges and find solace, growth, and connection through art.
While I may not possess formal qualifications in the mental health field, my personal struggles and triumphs have molded me into an empathetic and relatable instructor who understands the power of art as a tool for self-expression and self-care.
Empowering Students: Nurturing Personal Growth and Discovery
My experiences have shaped the way I approach teaching my course. I emphasize holistic healing and encourage my students to tap into their own creative potential as a means of self-discovery and personal growth. I understand the power of art to transcend words and reach the depths of our emotions, and I strive to create a safe and empowering environment where my students can explore and express themselves.
I hope that by sharing my story and offering my expertise, I can make a positive impact and empower individuals to discover the healing potential within themselves.