The Vacillating Collection

I started 2021 with amazing drive and vivacity! I had my entire year planned out for my business. Entire collections, sizes of work, release dates, print shop openings, you name it. Every last detail was planned. Everything was going so well! Despite the fact that I was still making daily drives out of town for radiation treatment, I was on track and released my first collection of the year right on time.

Everyone kept commenting on how well I was handling my cancer diagnosis and how positive I was. And for the most part, I felt I was coping ok. I was channeling how I was feeling into my art. The Reverie collection was full of bright, cheery paintings that truly lifted my spirits. It turned out to be my most successful collection to date!

I was happy, but exhausted. Working on the collection while going through treatment gave me something else to focus on. Did I push myself too hard? Probably, but it was what I needed at the time. Then came the crash. Along with all the intense stress of COVID, cancer, homeschooling and then looking to move, my mental health shattered.

My husband and I had to make the final decision to homeschool for the rest of the school year. Some of my cancer symptoms started to come back and we were looking to make a big move. Those were my breaking points. I was broken.

Of course, all of this started showing up in my artwork. The hope of a brighter day and the fear of the unknown were both presenting themselves in my art. Bright, cheery skies were being replaced by stormy ones. And then weeks went by and painting after painting were failing. I lost count of how many paintings I ripped up. My depression was taking over and it felt like there was nothing I could do to stop it. Nothing felt in my control anymore.

I had set the impossible goal of releasing my second collection only 3 weeks after my first. As I fell more and more behind, it only made me feel worse. But thanks to a lot of prayer, open and honest chats with family and friends, things started to turn around. I arranged for some self-care time and put my collection aside for about a week. I experimented with completely new things in my studio to lessen the pressure I set on myself. I tried painting with oils, watercolour and saran wrap and some itty bitty simple art that I could complete in an hour.

I felt like a new person! My creativity was coming back, we finalized on purchasing a new house, and my paintings started turning out again. That’s not to say, of course, that I still don’t have bad days. I do, but they are a bit more manageable now.

My next collection turned out to be something I didn't expect. It's hope, but also fear. Light, but some darkness. The new, and the uncomfortable. Vacillating back and forth between all these human emotions.

And that’s when it hit me. The Vacillating Collection. I realized that it was ok to not be in the light moments all the time. I gave myself permission to be in the dark for a while. After all, it’s been a HELL of a year hasn’t it?!?! I realized that just because my paintings weren’t turning out, it didn’t mean I was a failure. I learned that through those struggles, I was growing as an artist. The process of creating the next couple of paintings felt clear and freeing!

Now that our place has sold and that distraction is behind me (at least for a couple of months until we move and the renovations start), I am getting so excited to present to you:

The Vacillating Collection: An examination of the heights and depths of human emotion depicted through landscapes.

Thank you for all your kind support and patience along this journey,

Kristina